Look for the Silver Lining

Attitude Adjustment Therapy 101

Karen is a lifetime friend from my college days. I lived in the remodeled garage of her home in Santa Barbara throughout the dramas encountered while being a financially challenged student at the university. We were, in many ways, striking opposites yet fast friends.

Me – mercurial, impulsive, opinionated, and insanely sensitive. Karen – steady, practical, objective, kind and reasonable. And still, we made a go of sharing her house (which we rented from her father) and went through many dramatic ups and downs, which I experienced like a roller coaster ride, and she navigated like the steady captain of her ship. Over the years and the miles, we’ve kept in touch as both our lives rocked and rattled with the blows of time. A mantra of mine was (and still is) ‘Why can’t I be more like Karen?’.

Karen’s been through many events that fall into the negative categories of Loss, injustice, and adaptations and maintained her even keel. No deep self-pity or despair, breakdowns, or pity parties. Me – well, what’s the opposite of those responses?

As I’ve gotten older and developed more perspective, I’ve tried to manage my impulsive inclinations. I’m better. I recognize the dangers I face when I start to skid from a hilltop into a ditch. I know how to engage with things that uplift (writing, artwork, long walks, nature, among others). I know I’ll never possess a steady spirit like that which underpins Karen’s natural approach to life – but I guess it’s often our differences that inform and bind friendship.

I’ve also delved into the topic of managing emotions, moods, triggers and inclinations as a way to take a detour from highs and lows that accompany daily life. And it’s encouraging to learn that we are not doomed to only express our innate responses. We can practice strategies that offer detours from the programmed brain. I’m not talking about ‘magical thinking’ or some esoteric meditative practice (though if that works for you, Great! I fall asleep or want to eat chocolate).

Numerous academic and scientific studies show that adopting or developing optimism has positive results.  Consistently, the thousands of participants in such studies who reported more dominant optimism also enjoyed longer and healthier life spans. Researchers say the presence of optimism is about 25 percent inherited and the rest a product of life experience. Individuals can react to the same experience differently. I like this take on it from one study ;

“It may also come down to mindset. When good things happen, optimists may take credit for doing a good job. When bad things happen, they may blame chance,” says William Chopik from Michigan State University. “Optimists have convinced themselves that even the worst in life has a silver lining,”  

Ted Schwaba, University of California, puts it this way: “If you’re an optimist, you can at least squeeze some lemonade out of the lemon.”

This optimistic mindset is more than wishful thinking or ‘manifesting and visualizing’ your positive thoughts and sending them out into the cosmos. But, the smart guys and gals admit if ‘manifesting’ makes people feel more optimistic, there’s no harm done.” In my personal universe, I think the cosmos has enough to do just keeping the stars in place.

Positive thinking is an onboard tool that’s predominantly located in left-side brain activity, while the right side harbors the negative. Which one lights up brighter might (partly) be up to us. Brainiac scientists say with conscious effort and practice, the brain can be “rewired” to raise the volume of that lighter left side. (Surely, this interpretation of my source’s explanation of brain science is cringe-worthy).

The benefits of developing predominance of the positive side are many. It builds optimism that impacts physical and mental health and underpins our ability to survive trying times and challenges. On top of that, our physical self also benefits – studies show improved heart health and an improved immune system. If you don’t believe me, read this – direct from the aforementioned study:

“Results: Participants in the highest quartile of optimism were more likely to have intermediate [OR = 1.51, 95% CI = 1.25, 1.82] and ideal [OR = 1.92, 95% CI = 1.30, 2.85] CVH when compared to the least optimistic group.” Now, doesn’t that give you confidence?

Psychologically, positive thoughts appear to impact both mind and body. Columbia University researcher Siddhant Iyer has an approach called ‘positive reframing. “For my clients who have historically tended to be pessimistic, they habitually view things as negative. I will ask them to challenge themselves to always consider that there may be another way of looking at things.”

For example, consider my current situation. It’s been raining for about a week, and more is predicted. I can’t go out for my daily walk, my dog hates it and pooped indoors. But using Iyer’s ‘positive lens,’ I can report that I was able to sit down on a Monday morning and write to you while expanding my own knowledge and optimism. This afternoon, I will play with some clay – making a bronze dragon for the Year of the Dragon. See how that works?

If this isn’t enough (and, of course, it isn’t), here are some recommendations from the very big brains I’ve spent time with while further exploring (and developing) optimism and resilience:

1.     Try Iyer’s positive lens on your current situation. See the sun behind the clouds.

2.     Seek out positive friends to gift with your time and perspective.

3.     Do not go down the dark rabbit hole of Daily News – headlines and done!

4.     Take some time and write down some things you’re grateful for … keep adding to your list and rereading regularly (I call this the 3Rs - rite, read. reread. Oops, someone already has that!)

5.     Make a running list of your accomplishments – add to it as new events happen, and you also remember those you forgot over time. (You did what? Awesome!)

6.     Accept you are powerless over many things – accept that and let it go.

7.     Give yourself credit for the good you make and receive in life.

That’s my mindset today as dark clouds sweep in, rain pounds on our questionable roof, our faulty furnace turns itself off, and the weather prediction includes more rain, hail, and snow. My next positive move – text my friend Karen and let her know what a role model she’s been for showing me how to seek and often (I’m still a work in progress) find the silver lining in the clouds.

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