Friends, this week I am posting a guest column by Molly Burrows. It was written about 15 years ago when we were going for walks and drives together, attending events, having dinners that included two glasses of wine for Molly - followed by a confident march up the steps to her second-floor apartment. She was always strong well into her 90’s and outraged by ageism. She defied all the stereotypes – my biggest fan when I was giving talks about healthy aging. Her best friends included a group of gay men who worshipped her for her humor and wisdom and how well she could dance.
Molly wrote this and left it for me to publish. It’s good insight for knowing how age perceptions can uplift and simultaneously shatter the spirits of revered elders. Molly left her indomitable spirit with us just days short of her 98th birthday – and in this essay I share with you today.
Perspective, By Mollie Burrows
Sarah carefully applied her makeup and then looked in the mirror. She was pleased, for a pretty woman smiled back at her. It is such a satisfaction, she thought, to be good-looking after spending two-thirds of her life being homely. A facelift, nose job, and a chin implant had taken care of her appearance when she was 63 years old and had proved a great joy in her later life. Sarah finished dressing and took one last glance in the full-length mirror. You’re looking great, she thought and smiled at her reflection. Blond hair, bright-colored and fashionable clothes, and the spirit of someone half her age. She felt so good she nearly skipped as she went to the bus stop.
Sarah didn’t drive after she was 21 - it just happened that she never bothered to renew her driver’s license. Consequently, for most of her adult life, she traveled by public transportation and enjoyed the experience. Today, she would take the bus and then transfer over to Light Rail to take her downtown.
After a short wait, the bus arrived, and Sarah looked forward to the day. The driver lowered the mechanical steps. Sarah looked around for a disabled individual, but there was none. “I guess it’s meant for me!” she grumbled to herself. “What did I do to make him think I needed help?”
When the bus stopped at the Light Rail Station, the driver lowered the steps again. Sarah was annoyed. “Look,” she said. “I just got back from a trip to Machu Picchu. I was climbing all over the place, and I really don’t need your help!”
“Sorry,” the driver mumbled.
The trip on the train was uneventful, as most people were either texting or talking on their cell phones. Arriving downtown, she made her plans.
“The first thing I am going to do is treat myself to lunch,” she decided and headed to a popular cafe. Shortly after she was seated, the waiter arrived.
“And what may I serve to you today, young lady?” Sarah could feel her face turning red. “Young man,” she said, “I am NOT a young lady! Why are you calling me that?” She got another hasty ‘sorry’ but, for her, the lunch was ruined. Young lady, she thought. Been there, done that. No thanks!
On to the movies. No problem there. “One ticket for a senior,” she said. The preview featured a comedy - in it, there was a doddering old woman who seemed to be having problems with her digestion and was making unpleasant noises. The movie she came to see included an old man who couldn’t hear and kept misinterpreting what people were saying. His near-deafness was hilarious to most of the audience.
When the movie was finished Sarah decided to do a little shopping. She went to a small store where one could get individual attention. The 30-something clerk was solicitous. “Honey, that blouse must be hard for you to get off. Here, let me help you.”
Sarah nearly screamed, “No, I can do it myself!” Her desire for a new blouse soured. “With a clerk like that … I’ll be damned if I’ll buy anything from her,” she said to herself as she hastily left the store.
Since she was in no mood to shop anymore, Sarah decided to call it a day and returned to the Light Rail stop. The train again proved uneventful until she got to the station and a middle-aged woman said, “Here dear, let me help you off the train.” Sarah forged ahead on her own, swallowed her words, and waited for the bus.
Again, the driver lowered the steps. Sarah noticed that a man getting on the bus was in a wheelchair and actually needed help. That, at least, lessened her sense of indignity. But, when she got to her stop the female driver opened the door, pulled a lever and the steps eased down again. The driver chirped, “Have a nice day, sweetie,” as Sarah stomped to the sidewalk.
As she walked the block to her home Sarah gave silent thanks. “At least there are no streets to cross so a Boy Scout won’t pop up and offer to help me!”
Home at last she stopped at the mailbox. Not much today. Only one postcard - a notice from a funeral home telling her to make her ‘arrangements’ now so her loved ones wouldn’t have to do it later.
In her bathroom, she washed her hands, looked in the mirror again, and staring back at her was a very old woman.
Bonus - A few of Mollie’s rules for living:
• Give it 15 minutes, then give up and give it to someone else to fix.
• Always do a practical joke on April Fool’s Day.
• Some men are like cheesecake, so good to want, so bad to have.
• If it’s out of style, it’s out the door.
• On ghosts: I’ll believe it when I see it.
Thanks for giving me the opportunity to remember and celebrate Mollie - many of us have special people in our lives like her. Let me know about yours!
And if you have someone who enjoys a good mystery - consider my highly rated “The Song of Jackass Creek.” Based on character and place, lacking graphic violence - readers have logged great reviews - check them out HERE
Pure pleasure as always! Thank you!💕