Opposites in Harmony

Moving forward together

Readers who have been with me for a long time will remember that I often wrote about the beautiful environment of our home in the mountains, where we were surrounded by 100-foot-tall pines and cedars. Where I could walk for two miles each morning with Murphy, my dog, and not encounter a car driving on the winding streets. We often had visitors like bears, mountain lions, and dozens of deer in our yard. And, then, this past summer, we decided to move further down the hill to a charming Old West town named Placerville so that my husband could more easily do his job centered around the State Capitol in Sacramento. Instead of driving 90-plus minutes on winding roads to his frequent meetings, he's now only faced with a 40-minute drive.

Today, I live within a block of the Gold Chain Highway, surrounded by homes from a Victorian manor to small, low-income rentals. I admit it's been a challenge to adjust, but now, after five months as a city-dweller, I'm finding treasures and pleasures. Placerville is a classic town with Gold Rush and lumbering history. Fortunately, it evolved with a sense of identity, and the downtown shopping area (within easy walking distance from our house) is largely unchanged with brick buildings and old tiled roofs, tall sash windows, and reverence for its heritage. One narrow main street runs for almost a mile through the town that's made for walking.

Murphy and I are discovering treasures that are nearly in our backyard. We step out our back door, walk down a steep hill, around a corner, and there we are. Our destination is a large 153-year-old cemetery that's directly across the street from an elegant historic mansion, the Bee-Bennett House built in 1853. I'll write in more detail about these sites later – but here's a personal takeaway from our frequent visits.

The cemetery is what first drew me. A beautiful, quiet expanse of about 5 acres laid out on gentle hills. Headstones date back to the early 19^th century and honor people born as long ago as the 1700s. Dogs are welcome to roam with respectful owners, and Murphy has learned to do his 'business' before we enter the resting place of more than 6.600 people. A group of volunteers keeps the revered cemetery neat and clean, and the county maintains stewardship of the property. We are usually alone in our wandering the gentle hilly landscape since we visit in late afternoons – logging steps for exercise and honoring departed people by reading headstones and giving the departed a thought. The cemetery is never a depressing place for me. It stimulates thought, imagination, and, ironically, a connection to life.

As is the historic Mansion directly across the street where couples are married amid a traditional Victorian beauty. On weekends, cars and limousines line the street and fill the Mansion's parking lot. People dressed in finery parade up the stairs and onto the ornate front porch into lovingly preserved mid-1800s décor. More often than not, we walk past just as a newlywed couple is posing for photos that will become family treasures. The building doubles as a backdrop to treasured wedding photos - the yard a place for brides to spin while the camera captures the dance and the groom beams with happiness. Sometimes, they use the middle of the street to stage pictures – couples holding hands and running up the hill to married bliss. Once, I caught them posing in the cemetery. Respectfully providing appreciation, defiance, and contrast to the background while the shutter clicked.  

And here is how – after thousands of steps and a couple hundred visits – I see both the ornate house and the simplicity of the cemetery are not only compatible but also complimentary.

I feel a sense of 'beginnings' in places that, at first impression, might appear to be opposites. Naturally, the Bee-Bennett House weddings represent a profound new start for bride and groom and their families. He, she and they will make profound changes in their lives. After the ceremony and celebrations, nothing will be the same. They will slowly adapt and grow and evolve as a couple and as individuals. They'll forever thrive on the memory of that day inside the historic Mansion across the street from the cemetery as they become new people together.

I sense a kinship, a connection to the cemetery across the street, where thousands of the living have come to say a forever goodbye to friends, loved ones, and honored citizens. It might be said that the cemetery represents the opposite of what takes place at the Mansion. But here's the link I've made between the two landmark experiences. The most significant contrast is the feelings around each – one is joy, and the other is sorrow. Both felt profoundly, intensely, and transiently. But as human emotions, they are extreme experiences that are not common to daily life.

At the cemetery, final words were said, prayers sent out to the open sky, and tears flowed. People comforted and touched each other. They shared an intense experience that would be remembered but felt differently with the passage of time. Deep sorrow transforms into sad memory, to accepted memory.

Just as bride and groom change with wedding vows, mourners bonded to the departed step away from the ceremony, needing to adapt to life precipitated by loss rather than gain. For mourners at a funeral, loss also requires change - accepting new responsibilities, abandoning a tradition, and adopting something new to take its place – much like the promise of marriage.

In these simple ways, the Blair House and Union Cemetery share this bond. Both are agents of profound change and deep emotion. Both are a celebration – one of life that was and the other of what it will be. I think they make compatible neighbors.  

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I’ve missed you! I encountered a tech challenge and was unable to post for at least three weeks. I missed talking to you, sharing my rambling thoughts, and hearing back from so many of you. Trusting I’m over this temporary glitch in my skill set (I’m a writer and sculptor - what do I know about bytes and Bits?) I’m thrilled to be back on the job. Let me hear from you - darby@darbypatterson.com