Perceptions are Reflections
Elder versus Elderly
I was briefly trapped in Elderland last week – a place that has no specific geographical location. It’s a moveable space that stalks people identified as basically old enough to be grandparents. Sometimes, it’s not a pleasant place to visit. Here’s my most recent experience in Elderland, USA.
It’s been a long hard winter here in the northern Sierra Nevada – with one storm front after another trapping us indoors, making local mountain roads impassable with record-breaking snowfall. I took advantage of a morning after the snowplow went through my neighborhood to drive down the hill to our local Safeway. I discovered that lots of people had the same idea, and shoppers were out in droves. The market was unusually busy – and the shelves similarly bare. Long lines were qued up at three checkout lanes. I looked at my barely full grocery basket and decided to do a self-checkout. In fact, I’d often thought that if I had to get a ‘real’ job again, I might like being the point person for that handy do-it-yourself technology (at least until I got fired, which would be swift and inevitable).
I started my scanning process and made it past two cans of chopped tomatoes and a box of cereal before the screen lit up with an ‘ERROR’ message. I gave a quick wave to the checkout monitor (whose job I thought I might want), and she gathered up her handful of lanyards bearing coded cards and swept to my side. Punching away at the keypad with Olympic speed, she quickly restored the machine to working order.
I went back to the simple job of flashing barcodes and hearing the comforting ‘Beep’ of success. But something was amiss. I felt her hovering behind my back. I looked at her and said, “I’m fine.” She didn’t move.
I figured I was under scrutiny because the clerk assumed my age might affect my ability to work the digitized checkout system. Consequently, I felt a rush of self-doubt. First, I had trouble finding the cleverly camouflaged barcode on an eggplant. She reached over my shoulder and did the job for me. The rest of the self-checkout experience (a task I’ve done countless times with success) continued to disintegrate. She was like a magnet standing just out of my peripheral vision – I could feel her but not see her. One product after another gave me pause. Flushed with a mix of insecurity and irritation, I turned around and said, “Oh, you’re still here. It’s okay; I got this.” She reached over my shoulder and moved an item from the scanner to the ‘done’ shelf.
I knew she assumed, due to my age, that I may not be comfortable with technology; she was trying to be helpful. That revelation didn’t improve my performance. Returning to my task, I moved a box of whole wheat crackers from the scanner to the done pile. Over my shoulder, I said, “You know, I’ve been using computers since the mid-1980s.” She nodded, retrieved the crackers, and rescanned the box. “Oops,” missed this one,” she said with a satisfied grin.
I took a deep breath to calm myself. Only three items left. But what I really wanted to do was hand her my college degrees and my resume highlighting the years I taught classes in tech certifications. Instead, I turned around and smiled at her. “You know, you standing there is making me a little crazy. Uncomfortable.” She put her hands up in a gesture of surrender and returned to her post.
It’s not my style to get all ‘preachy’ in my notes to you (Okay, maybe that’s not always true). But this seemingly minor incident is a prime example of one of the last ‘ism-frontiers’ in America. Agism. And though I am physically strong and totally healthy, each birthday brings with it a new set of assumptions about my perceived physical and mental abilities. I am definitely not alone in this experience.
Over the past few of decades, there’s been an increasing amount of academic research into the realities and myths of aging. Among the experts is Dr. Manfred Diehl, an award-winning Lifetime Developmental Psychologist. His work helps counter the general assumption that aging and decline are inextricably linked. He highlights a different reality – that a great deal of growing older is, well, growing! Our ability to cope with life’s ups and downs increases. We become more conscientious and in control of our emotions – among several other positive attributes.
People who age with strength and dignity also realize that physical and mental well-being can’t be taken for granted. We may not be able to hear or see as well as we did at age 50. Not feel strong enough to lug bags of groceries to the car. Squat down and feel unable to rise up without help or leverage. But – physical challenges can often be moderated through exercise, interventions, and conscious self-care.
Dr. Diehl’s extensive research demonstrates two important realities. One – The aging process is not generally accompanied by mental and physical decline. And secondly – positive aging in America is significantly challenged because of societal stereotyping and lack of awareness. A national survey showed that 82 percent of elder respondents reported experiencing ageism daily. These events happen in a variety of settings – in casual remarks from people, at work, in medical environments, social settings, and, yes, the checkout line.
I am telling you all this for two reasons. If you’re young, you have an opportunity to examine your perceptions about aging. What is myth (stereotype), and what’s reality? Your treatment of elders in daily life has impact – it can harm and diminish, or it can uplift and affirm our shared humanity.
And, if you are a member of the elder generation (a term of respect earned only after a lifetime of experience), please join me in speaking up. Some of us must step up as a brigade of warriors ready to defend everyone’s right to age with dignity and respect.
If you’re interested in learning more about being an elder in America (as opposed to being ‘elderly – a term loaded with negative images) sit down with this book: Breaking the Age Code: How Your Beliefs About Aging Determine How Long and Well You Live, by Becca Levy, Ph.D. Okay – I am now stepping down from today’s bully pulpit!
Thanks for reading today’s rant and sticking with me! And if you’ve had enough negative news throughout your week – here’s a slice of human kindness. I hope the sun is shining gently on your slice of our planet. Let me know what you’re thinking at: darby@darbypatterson.com.
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Great piece, Darby, spot-on. . .